Did you know that your purpose doesn’t end just because your plans have changed? Let me explain what I mean by that...
Six and a half years ago, after losing his battle with cancer, my husband took his last breath on this side of heaven. I held his hand and kissed his forehead and said, “Go, be with Jesus. We will be ok.” And then he was gone. Everything changed from that moment on. Our dreams, our future, our plans, everything gone. I remember walking out of the room and thinking, “But how God?! How am I going to be ok?”
To be honest, those first few years I was in survival mode. When Jeff passed away, my kids were 7,5, and 2 years old, and I was pregnant with our fourth, who would not be born for another 5 weeks. My only thought throughout the day was, when can it be bedtime? To even think about anything more than that was too much. I loved my kids dearly, but I missed being a wife so much. I missed having my partner; I missed doing life together the way we had planned. My dream since I was a little girl was to be married, to be a wife, and maybe to have a baby or two. I never dreamed of becoming a doctor, a nurse, a lawyer or anything else!! I never desired a career. All I wanted was to be a wife.
If I was honest with myself, my desire to be a wife had become an idol I desired more than anything else in the world. So after a few years of single parenting I felt kind of lost. It seemed like God had forgotten about me and my dreams and desires. I started to question what the purpose of life was even about! I wondered, “What's the point if you live and then just die, with absolutely no control over it?” I was allowing my anger and bitterness towards my circumstance to take root. I had even begun to see my kids through a lens of bitterness. I asked, ”Why God would you give me 4 kids to raise on my own??” I don't think I realized how much my identity was wrapped up in being a wife. And when it was gone, I was lost.
So I decided that I needed to find my “wife” identity again. I decided that I needed a new partner, another person to fill that void. I started to date, and let’s just say that it didn't end well. However, in the messiness of the breakup, God did bring me to a place where I started to search Him out, like REALLY search Him out.
I ended up spending 2 months in the Dube centre at the RUH in Saskatoon, and this is when God began to work in my heart. Although I had been a wife and I am a mother, those things are not my purpose. My purpose is to acknowledge and understand God’s gift of sending His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for me. My true purpose is to accept that He did it for me because He loved me and to live fully in that knowledge every day. No matter where I am or what I do, my purpose on this earth is to live an intentional God filled life!!
The last two years of my life have been this incredible journey of discovery about who I am in Christ. I spend time in the Word daily!! I have deepened my knowledge of God, and, more importantly, I have a close relationship with Him. I live life intentionally and parent the same way too. My relationship with my children has changed immensely, and we all have benefited from keeping our eyes focused on Him alone. My circumstances haven't changed, BUT GOD HAS CHANGED ME in my circumstances! I have no idea where life will lead me and my children, but I do know who leads us! And I know that God hasn’t called just me to this purpose; He has called us ALL to it. We are all called to share the good news of the gospel! How will you do it? Well that is what you and God will work out. As you study the word, you start to understand the passions God has given you. Those passions have DIVINE PURPOSE and HE will direct your path!
Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path” (NLT). Trust God in your journey. Even if your plans change many times, He still has a purpose for your life, and IT’S GOOD!!
Guest Writer: Tamara Leland. Tamara is a busy mom of Brock, Halle, Bodhi and Sophie. They recently moved to Melfort, SK where they are setting down roots! She is a believer of Jesus Christ and is learning what all that means, as that is where her TRUE identity rests. She is excited to walk forward in this walk of Faith with every bump and hiccup... because she knows who walks beside her.