Just four months ago I was sent home from the mission field. I was in over my head. I felt terribly lost. But I was not without hope. I sensed that I was about to enter a very dark tunnel, but I remembered that it was a tunnel and a tunnel always has an end. These are the words I penned in my journal as I looked for even a glimpse of good in saying, “yes” to walking through this tunnel with the Lord.“I’m going into a long dark tunnel that feels like it’s never going to end... but what do I know about a tunnel? It may feel like there is no ending but it does end. There will be light. My future is bright, and the path is already lit... what does He expect of me? Baby steps.”
This season would be transformational for me as I submitted and surrendered exactly where I was at to the Lord. I was certain it would be the brightest light I’ve ever seen. Freedom unimaginable! Though the circumstances were hard, in God’s mercy He gave me confidence to know that though at times dim, there would be a constant light with me, which was His presence and also told me to not forget about the flickering lights that passed by, the people who He intentionally placed in my life to walk with me through it all.
I came home due to extreme anxiety and panic attacks and knew it was going to be a long hard journey ahead, but I knew it would be so worth the hard work I was about to put in. Not just for me, but for all I encounter. The Lord would use this season in my life for His glory and His alone. I learned that from the last dark hard season I thought would never end in overcoming anorexia 6 years ago. Praise the Lord that His work that He completes in us is sealed. I learned I was not a victim, so I was able to enter this season believing I was a victor in Christ. I did not have to go backwards.
I have experienced healing in ways I’ve never dreamt possible. Normally when it comes to working on me, I am hard on myself, I drill it into my head until it finally sticks. But in this case, I didn’t really have the strength to do that. This has been a time of slow but sure healing. Where I’ve had days so anxious all I could do is lay in my bed and allow my Father to hold me. The Lord has given me a fresh understanding of grace, and I’m finally beginning to know what it means to be unconditionally loved by my heavenly Father. I am beginning to see change. My thoughts that once were patterned in one way, slowly changing and creating whole new paths, healthy life-giving paths. I am beginning to know that I have inherent worth that comes from the simple fact that I am made in the image of God. Before I was even born, He chose me. And I’m learning to encounter God in all new ways.
During this season of healing I reluctantly committed to the Her Influence 6 week bible study that Sisterhood had released. It was through this study that I began to sense my purpose in this season and that was—to encounter God. In discovering my purpose, I discovered contentment. I was able to accept this season and gained confidence in the Lord that He did in fact have good for me in this, whether I would see it here on earth or not. He does not waste anything. I learned that encountering God isn’t just a one time thing so that I can then go out and preach the good news of Jesus Christ. It’s continual. It’s a cycle. It’s a moment by moment choice. To allow Him to be a part in every moment, whether I’m falling at His feet rejoicing, or flat out ugly crying. He’s in it for the long haul and He’s not afraid of my mess.
My dear friend Pastor Kait also said something to me at the time that I’ll never forget. This is a paraphrase of what she said... “God loves you exactly the same NOW, and He sees you the same RIGHT now as He did one year ago when you felt like you were conquering the world! His love and acceptance and delight in you is not dependent on your performance, current state or status. He loves you because he loves you because he loves you.”
Go in peace my sisters! ️
“For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”. Ephesians 3:14-21
Guest Blogger: Rebekah Clearwater. - “In a world of noise, writing is the catalyst that drives my focus back to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and reminds me of the hope I have in Him— nothing has changed, yet everything has changed.” Rebekah is a Saskatchewan girl, author, blogger, following hard after the heart of Jesus. For more of Rebekah you can find her at www.lifeabundantandfree.com