Sometimes in the midst of waiting for the desires of our hearts we have to take a walk through the wilderness and experience our greatest struggles. I held true to the promises of God to grant me the dreams He had placed in my heart, even when they grew more distant and everything within me despaired that all was lost – He tethered my soul to trust and I am grateful that He pulled me out of the ashes.
I was married for 10 years to a man that I honestly thought I would be with, happily, for my entire life. We did, however, carry our share of difficulties in experiencing infertility for many of those years. We had failed In vitro attempts and experienced the agonizing months of preparing for and then waiting endlessly for an International Adoption. Through the many tears of sorrow and frustration of infertility I knew that years previously God had vividly promised me that I would bear a child, and so I battled with His timing, but rested in His promise.
Then the bomb hit, out of the blue my husband announced that he was having an affair and that he was leaving me. To say my world was blown apart seems to marginalize the pain. The months that past amount to the most heart wrenching days I have ever had to bear. Through my loss of desire to even live, to my insatiable anger and through my numbing pain He sustained me. I can say that in my weakest moments He was the nearest, holding me, whispering life giving hope and protecting me. I never want to go back there, but oh the sweetness of His presence in those times is something I will always hold dear. I held to His promises and clung to His word that “all things work for good for those who love Him”.
Yes, I walked through the wilderness but He brought me out to greet the dreams He had given me. And so this is how it works with our great God, He trades our ashes for beauty. First, he brought me a strong and gentle man. My love, Joel Boschman, proposed to me and we were married on a beach in Jamaica. He swept me off of my feet, a picture of redeeming love, he took me scars and all. And with equal confidence he told me God would give us a child and God did just that. Our son Braxton was born just 11 months after our marriage and our daughter Aveya only 18 months after that. God is good. He is watching, even when He seems silent, and He is waiting to surprise us with the way, that only He can work all things for our good and His glory.